The Deets.

So I have a few minutes before my family rides off on our sleigh.. to my sister’s house 3 blocks down. It’s filled with the awesomest of awesome presents. 

I’m so happy I get to spend some family time with my sisters and their husbands, my 4 nephews, my ‘rents, and my aunt and uncle, and cousins. Teehe. 

I heard my sister spent a fortune on me. :o

Christmas by Patswerk - deviantart. 

how one night could change your whole life around. 

My church plans this Christmas Gala every year, and it was our 5th annual one this time. We worked really hard on it; every one had multiple tasks to accomplish. I personally had to co-write a script, co-direct, and act in it. We all had to remember a choreographed waltz, the Funk Soul Brother dance from the She’s All That movie, and a song (Christmas Angels - Michael W. Smith’s version) that opened up the whole program. And even when you think that’s all you have to remember, you’ll learn that you’ll be up and out of your seat for most of the event while you scramble around making sure every guest receives their well deserved food and drinks. Well, I was scrambling anyway. My dress was tight and long. Hahaha. 

I’m guessing we had about 400 people. Maybe a little less or more, I’m not entirely sure. I brought about 7 people to fill most of one round table. I’m so glad they came! This is the first time that these friends have come to an event my church hosts and it was so heartwarming to see so many familiar faces. (Even though half the table had to leave during the program because of work/otherthingstheyhadtodoandcouldn’tgetoutof.) The fact that they made time to come matters to me most.  :)

It was a masquerade theme this year. (Our very first theme, might I add.) Whoever didn’t bring their mask, gets to buy it in the front for $3.00. If you can imagine, we had a set program: food and entertainment, raffles with huge prizes, a message, and dancing. (We also can’t forget about the amazing photo booth.) When would we find enough time to make use of our masks? It was difficult, because some masks are difficult to wear and are better off in your hand. I felt bad for those that felt the need to have to buy them and ended up not having to use them too much, but it’s a masquerade ball. It can be a souvenir. Something to remember this night by. :) 

Everything went great. Although, when the speaker ended his great message about who God really is and how we don’t need masks to cover up who we truly are with Him, God used him to speak to us church leaders. I looked around, worrying if the guests were bored out of their minds because this part had nothing to do with them. God was speaking to us that night, more than anybody else. It was sort of embarrassing, so I thought, because it’s like a Dad is correcting His children in front of his children’s friends. It was very needed, though. We can’t be called and labeled Christians if we stay in the same spiritual patterns every year. We need to break free and go crazy for the Lord. And when others see that, they can trust in the fact that this God is kind of, sort of, an Almighty Lord and Savior that lets them in too. Haha. Most of us are just numb for whatever reasons, tired just doing our jobs, bitter with anger and resentment, or a combination of all of the above. 

For however everything was perceived by everyone, I hope that you all had a grand time. ‘Cause in the aftermath, I really did have loads of fun. Reunited with friends I haven’t seen in a long time, and also friends I do hang out with weekly. I was in my seat for a short while, but when I was, I definitely laughed and enjoyed the company very much so. Thanks to those who participated in the making of the Christmas Gala this year, for those who enjoyed and didn’t enjoy it, and for those that came alone knowing that they’d only know their one friend. You guys make it all worth it. <3

Because life isn’t like how the movies make it. You’d think if the situation was just like it, and if the feelings were there, and everything, it could be even as simple as the song: Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer. You’d think so, but it isn’t so.

Because where there are your feelings, other people’s feelings are involved. It gets messy, it gets tangled into a deep spider web you just can’t untangle yourself out of.

Because I didn’t mean to feel that way, but I did. Do. Whatever. I guess it’s all in our fleshly desires to just run after a little poison. And maybe a little more. And a little more after that.

Because Taylor Swift’s You Belong With Me and Teardrops on My Guitar are songs that came from her experience. And because my heartsong came from mine.

Because, for reasons unsaid, and for things left better unmentioned, things are the way they are and they’ll probably stay that way for good.

Because it’s for good.

Because nobody wants to hurt anybody, and breaking hearts isn’t as great a living as mending hearts. 

Because I’m Velma, Alice, and Nora. And Juliet at 5AM in the morning.

Because I’m pacing back and forth in my mind and I can’t just, I CAN’T.

Because it goes against every girl code there IS. 

Because I’m sorry. 

Because HA HA HA HA.

Because I’m really sorry. 

people that have grown distant from close friends, that have bottled up all their emotions regarding everything because there’s a lack of shoulders to lean on, and weep away their sorrows when they can’t hold it in anymore. Oh wait, that’s just me.

Cried pretty hard today, and I didn’t think I’d say this, but it felt pretty good. I haven’t cried a good cry in a long time. It’s like in the movie The Holiday, when Cameron Diaz’s character can’t cry after a childhood incident, and her chest hurts every time she’s meant to cry but doesn’t. She finally gets to cry in the end, proving that she’s not so emotionless after all. I’ve been numb to so many things, and kept in tears that were meant to be there. At least this was some kind of proof that I still feel. Haha. 

I guess a lot of pressure has been placed on me lately, what with school and church. I have a lot to plan for: things to do, places to go, people to see. And then when misunderstandings come up, when people get tired and act a certain way, when things get said that aren’t supposed to mean what you take them for, when feelings get hurt when they weren’t meant to, when you’re holding thoughts and hurt feelings, and have so much to handle every single day, when you’re stressing about things that could easily just be taken care of if you didn’t stress so much, the only thing left to feel better is to cry. That and to pray.

Walking the Christian walk, is never easy. Who would ever do something they wouldn’t want to do? It has to come naturally, and that’s the way God wants it to be like for you. Something you’d want to do. Something you’d think worthy of doing. 

Of course, I’m struggling.. but I’d like to believe that I will make it. I do have faith that I’ll get there. I know that the solution to my random crying is to just talk to God. Talking to God is amazing, but keeping is consistent it difficult for me. I’ve cried my river, God’s installed Christ as the bridge: I just need to get over it. I just need to get over it. 

God’s blessed me with feeling, after a long time of not feeling. He’s made me see what’s more important in this process, and what I really need to have my head on straight for. 

Crying is for everyone. Everyone who feels. Everyone who could care less about the words: no one is perfect, people make mistakes, stop stressing so much, everything is going to be okay.. and just cry for the sake of crying. 

So is prayer. It’s for those that can hope they’ve got something to hold onto when things are rough and know they can rejoice through the bad times as long as God is there with them. For those that need a higher being to take over in life because it’s just too unbearable at times. For those that need sympathy and empathy. For those that cry. 

Oh, and blogs help too.