My mind so cluttered; I’ve been having a long run of blogger’s block. Ha. I know that the personal part of my life is on display here, but some juicy details will just have to wait until all is clear on the friend home front.
Meanwhile, I’ve wanted to spill a little more of my soul to you all today. I warn you, it’s going to get gruesome with God’s words gushing out everywhere: my ears, my nose, my eyes, my mouth, my armpits, you get the gist. At some point in your life, you question yourself, your standpoint. I mean, what in the heck is your purpose in life? I’m sure there is not one person in the world that has never wondered in the back of their head at odd times, where they are, who they are, questioning their own existence. I often had these questions come up when I was sick. My parents drugged me so much as a child to the point where I’m somehow immune to all those medicine pills. I would ask my mom through mumbled words and groggy vision, “Mom, am I really alive?” She replied with a chuckle, “Yes honey, why would you ever ask that?” Yeah, why would I ask that? Why would anyone want to ask that? Some other times are actually very recent, about a few months ago. I was sitting and listening to a message being given during a church service, and I asked myself, “Whoa. I’m a living, breathing human being, with thoughts, emotions, and.. what is this? I’m sitting in this room with other living, breathing human beings, with thoughts and.. I’m a believer in a world of nonbelievers…” It went on and on. It was weird and normal, and.. I don’t know. The point of it all is, well.. I don’t understand how people can just continue existing and not think more about those thoughts. Man-made things are so imperfect in the world today that they keep needing to be improved over and over again. And nature, all the things around us, it’s perfect already. The air, the sun, the water, the trees, the flowers, the beauty that is unspoken and untouched, is already perfect. Just like God. People, every person in the entire world, wakes up knowing they will go about their day, going to work or school, continuing to exist for their lifespan. And in the end, they don’t know what will happen, they won’t know if their life was really put to full use. Okay, maybe they gave to a few charities, supported some non-profits, succeeded in school and was an above average student, was able to get away from all those burdens in their lives, made friends, kept friends, etc. Was it all worth it? Is that all they could get out of it? What does it really mean to live life to the fullest? If today was your last day, and tonight was your last night, and the breath you are taking now is your very last breath, is that how you would want to remember it? Regina Spektor isn’t a Christian, but even this song (Laughing With) sums my blog up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pxRXP3w-sQ. No one’s laughing at God when things get serious. I just, really wish that one day all of my friends will believe before Jesus comes back. I don’t want them to suffer. He already suffered for us. We just have to accept Him, and learn to love Him. I’m not a holy person, and I am far from perfect. I just want to so much be like God and love like God. I am engaged to Jesus Christ, and I need to prepare just like soon-to-be brides prepare for their wedding. I’m hoping my friends will RSVP to the wedding because He wants to marry them too.