Jane: ‘I don’t know. Who’s Eunice and why doesn’t she get her own body?’” —Lawndale Outcasts
Ever notice how you could walk the campus without knowing a soul, and once you make friends through classes, clubs, or extra-curricular activities, you can recognize the way they talk, walk, laugh, look… from a distance? That’s why I think nothing is coincidence in this world. Nothing at all. Everything happens for a purpose, and it’s up to each and every one of us to find that purpose. If one finds that the purpose is not worth looking for and that everyday is just another day, then I hope that person will some day realize it soon and really start searching. Otherwise, their life will be but living mindlessly sucked into the wonders of the world, thinking that once they get to the top of the top in their career, or start a family, or this or that, they’ll be done and satisfied but really… they’re not. That’s what happens in Japan when men think they can just work all day, eventually become bosses of their bosses, abuse their wives, and kill themselves. True story, look it up.
Ok, so I didn’t go on Tumblr today just to weird you out. Or… well maybe I did but that’s your opinion. I haven’t been on here for such a long time and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to tell you why. I have reason to believe the things I’ll mention might offend some people. Haha… sad face.
I’ll be posting up childhood photos of myself soon on my Facebook. My the years have gone by so quickly.
Things start looking a little too familiar, though. Ever since I was younger there was always favoritism in my family. A lot of you may feel you’re not good enough some times. I had my mom tell me I wasn’t good enough. Everyone that knows me knows that I work my butt off once I’m passionate about something. I never want to let those around me down. Even in my Lifetime Physical Fitness and Wellness class when we ran a mile before lifting weights, I ran with a different friend of mine one day. A soccer-jock friend. She definitely jogged at a different pace than I did, and so when we ran a mile (I ran, she was jogging) without stopping, my legs wanted to give out so bad, but I told myself I don’t want to slow her down. So I kept going. This morning I woke up, mentioning to my mom as she was making me breakfast, that my sister and I had a conversation about her. We were saying how we were so glad that she found the dream job she needed after selling the kiosk at the airport: a restaurant chef. If you haven’t already noticed, I posted on my FB status that she is the Vietnamese Chef at this one all-you-can-eat buffet and they liked her so much, they named a soup after her. I then mentioned to her that before I considered going into the Arts, I thought about being a chef myself, I love tasting food, watching others make food, and making food myself. We had this argument that lasted for about 10 or more minutes. That’s without telling the intensity of it all. Something turned in her, like always. Moms think they know us like the back of their hand, especially when they haven’t been around enough to even get to know us. It’s funny, it’s real hilarious. My mom’s the reason for my quick temper, my insecurities, my depression in the past. My reason for running away at the age of 14, a week away from my birthday. My reason for coming back 2 hours later. My reason for always wanting to do something, anything, before returning back home at the end of the night. My reason for not wanting to clean my room, closet, bathroom sometimes. It disgusts me, but I leave it because the house I return to at the end, isn’t a home. It’s not something I ever wanted to come home to. Anyways, my mom disowned me for the 60th time today. Moms. Another familiar face. Is it someone I don’t want to recognize, or someone I don’t even recognize anymore? I’ve been persisting, praying, reading. Was trying my best to make my parents happy. I do my best always, and you heard from my mom herself, I’m not good enough. Haha, only time will tell. And yeah, these are some reasons I’ve been so blocked lately. Just some.